Every family experiences highs and lows. Marriage is a cause for celebration, and a family breakup is a time to stay strong. A newborn child is worth spreading the word as much as the passing of a loved one. But no matter what happens, the only way is forward.
That said, moving from the old to the new is nothing to scoff at. Life won’t be the same after a divorce or one’s demise, and the family (or what’s left of it) must adapt to the new reality. Change will accompany a whirlwind of emotions, such as fear and anxiety, and interrupt whatever carries over from the old (e.g., daily life, career).
If you’re reading this and haven’t experienced any major life event recently, now is the best time to prepare for one. Planning for a major life transition will be less stressful for everyone than not planning at all. Here are several tips on preparing to move on together as a family.
Plan In Advance
Pre-planning should be familiar advice, seeing that planning for a child’s first birthday or a couple’s wedding is done in advance. If this is common knowledge to you, then know that it also applies to events that most people believe aren’t typically pre-planned.
“Is there even such an event?” you might ask. Yes, like a family member’s funeral.
Pre-planning a funeral might sound weird, which is understandable, but the pros outweigh the cons. Experts even believe it’s the most compassionate thing any person can do for the loved ones they’ll inevitably leave behind.
- Reduces later funeral costs: Part of the pre-planning process involves paying the costs of the funeral package ahead of time. As such, the family won’t be in dire financial straits when the time comes.
- Avoids misunderstandings: A clear funeral plan sets everything in stone. No party can dispute it, as the person has wished for this and that when they pass away. This mitigates the risk of conflicts due to differing interpretations of the person’s wishes.
- Helps the family carry on: The resulting cost reduction and reduced risk of conflict are a massive help to the family going through a loss. Without the stress that comes with funeral arrangements, the transition would be easier.
Funeral planning involves a range of aspects, from the choice of casket to writing a will. It answers important questions like how one wishes to be memorialized or what they have in store for the family after their departure. No one should feel awkward about having to plan for the inevitable now, especially when it means peace of mind later.
Embrace Emotions
Emotions are a key mechanism of the body—the Pixar film Inside Out taught everyone that much. It’s okay to feel joy in response to a happy event like a close friend’s engagement or a hard-earned career advancement. However, the same applies to sadness when faced with situations like moving away from a long-time home.
Robert Levenson, a professor at UC Berkeley’s Department of Psychology, explains that a mix of emotions prompts the body to manage its functions. Depending on the emotion, the body activates necessary functions and shuts down unneeded ones.
While people have no problem showing positive feelings, they tend to suppress negative ones. If you’ve seen Inside Out (spoiler alert), you know that limiting sadness resulted in Riley spiraling into depression. While emotions don’t directly make one ill, more studies are correlating mental health states to a person’s well-being.
The best way to cope with significant life events is to let the emotions run their course. Cry about missing your previous life or congratulate someone for a much-needed career shift if you have to. Accepting emotions as a necessity instead of signs of weakness makes even difficult life transitions smoother and less distressing.
Seek Support As Needed
Another thing that most people see as a sign of weakness is asking for help. According to Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries, a psychoanalyst and professor of leadership development at INSEAD in France, the reluctance in seeking aid stems from the following:
- Fear of appearing incompetent and inferior
- Committed to handling problems on their own
- Worries about handing control to other people
- Fear of their request being rejected or unheard
- Fear of their plea being seen as entitled or selfish
- Undermining their worth in receiving aid relative to others
The problem with such a mindset is that it ignores a fact that has evolved with humanity over time—that humans thrive on social interactions. Not all people are good at reading the room, let alone a person’s mind. Without a visible sign that someone needs help, the emotional baggage they carry risks eating them up inside.
A robust support network becomes more critical when there’s reasonable expectation that the transition will strain family relationships. Modern families are lucky to have professional help available, namely family counseling, to resolve internal issues. It also has the benefit of a supportive network of close friends and relatives, even if it only offers personal advice.
As for problems with legal ramifications, such as divorce and child custody, family lawyers assist in navigating the intricacies of family law. Addressing disputes through a set of rules helps prevent strained relationships from worsening and lower emotional distress.
Conclusion
Life transitions are an inescapable fact, for better or worse. Families will likely experience a rollercoaster of emotions, ranging from joy to sadness, but the journey doesn’t have to be a rocky one. Accepting change and planning for it beforehand helps overcome unexpected challenges, leading to a new and better life ahead.